6WF Presents: One Last Time....

Nigel Napalm is seeing his prison psychiatrist,

 

I’ve been called insane, unhindged, crazy but who gets to decide what that is doc?  Who is the person that defines crazy?  I’ll tell you what I think is crazy.  “Normal people”.  They work for money, then with that money they might buy balloons just to let them go, to float up into the sky never to be seen again.  Isn’t that crazy? You buy balloons to let them go?!?  I mean what is money anyway?  It’s just a piece of paper.  I have this piece of paper (holds up a crumpled photo of Lady Napalm) and I place more value in it than I do money.   I don’t even know where she is!  She’s in witness protection somewhere, she put me in here but I still love her. Does that make me crazy? HA HA HA HA……No it probably doesn’t it’s the other stuff that makes me “crazy” in societies eyes but that brings me back to my original point.  Who is society to judge me? Right and wrong are subjective.  You take the filter away and it’s all gray.  Morality is full of variables.  Murder is bad says society but to kill someone in self-defence is ok.  Dead’s dead as far as I’m concerned.  It’s madness!  PC gone mad!  I prefer to deal in things with no variables.    For example take my fist, I know if I drive it into your face it’s going to hurt you, I know I am going to enjoy it because it’s hurting you, I know if you hit me back it’s going to hurt me. Those are undeniable truths in a life that is a never ending circle of chaos and variables! Variables everywhere!  But it’s the non variables that really matter.  Here’s another  non variable.  This Cookoo is about to leave the nest.  My time at her majesties pleasure is almost over.  Here’s another I’ve been offered my old job back. HA HA HA!  How fitting I’ve been invited to work  the final show.  I am Nigel Napalm,  I am the rapture.   HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!  I am going to miss our chats though doc.  You get me don’t you? 

(We cut to an abandoned building which has clearly seen better days, the camera slowly pans towards the front door before a flash of lightning illuminates a broken sign next to the door. "The Emporium". The camera continues to pan forward into a room where a selection of objects are sitting on an old dusty table. We see a pile of dusty old titles as well as smashed pictures of James McManus, The Fanatic and the former Mrs Patricks. In the middle of the table sits two masks, the first is the mask of Splinter and the second is the mask of Chaos. Footsteps can be heard approaching the table before a hand reaches out over the table pausing between the two masks)

???: Why hello my old friends, did you think that the past would simply be erased. That we wouldn't come back once more, once more into the light, into the breach, into the promised land

(The man laughs before raising his other hand revealing a petrol can)

???: But after this when the end comes that will be the finale. The finale of a place where hopes and dreams were extinguished, a place where we were born in fire, a place where we rose to the highest of highs and fell to the lowest of lows

(The camera pans back as the man turns and walks away, he has both masks in one hand and is pouring the petrol out behind him. He has a hood up covering his face however we can just make out a distinctive smirk across his face)

???: So once more my love we will tango, we will hear the chants, we will soak in the boos. Our final rebirth within the flames. And now... we burn

(The man drops the petrol can at the door before slowly making his way down the front steps. He reaches inside his pocket before revealing a match which he strikes alight. He laughs before flicking the match towards the house. The petrol suddenly catches alight and the man laughs before raising both masks up into the air. The camera rotates revealing the face of Gregers being lit up by the flames)

G: Come now my love, the prophecy has one final meaning after all

(Gregers drops to his knees holding the two masks to his face as if he is embracing them. The scene slowly fades to black as a child can be heard whispering "They're Here" as the graphic "6WF: One Last Time" appears on the screen)

The scene opens up to show a darkened corridor. The strobe lighting visible flashes on and off repeatedly and the corridor looks to be in a poor state with stains up the walls and ripped posters. There are footsteps off camera before the figures of Vortex and Johnny Oko come into shot. They are dressed in casual attire and Vortex is carrying a torch that he moves to and fro. Vortex turns to face the camera and shines the torch at his face.
 
Vortex: I sense a presence here…….a life force………a being with the stench of death……..
 
Off camera we hear Oko scoff.
 
Oko: Yeah it’s you after burrito. Can you fucking shine that light up ahead now gaijin?!
 
Vortex looks at him confused.
 
Vortex: What did you just say?
 
Oko: Burrito?
 
Vortex: No after that…..you swore?
 
Oko: Yeah?
 
Vortex: Cool! The shackles are off! Words like that haven’t been heard since Austin Stevens topped himself!
 
Oko: So while you are here you will drop as many F-Bombs as possible?
 
Vortex laughs.
 
Vortex: Yeah! Just call me Mr. Hiroshima!
 
Oko pushes Vortex in anger and the two start scrapping. Suddenly there is a high pitched sad wail and the two men stare down the corridor.
 
Vortex: You know what that means?
 
Oko: Oko is not alone?
 
Vortex: Nah, there is still someone here waiting for Explosion.
 
Oko pushes Vortex to one side and crosses himself.
 
Oko: Be respectful of the dead. You will have to answer to them one day.
 
Vortex rubs his shoulder and stares at his tag team partner. He shakes his head before striding down the corridor.
 
Vortex: Come on Japstar. Let’s see what we can salvage. Wrestling memorabilia still sells you know……..
 
The two men walk down the corridor and Oko begins to speak.
 
Oko: So tell Oko why are visiting the dead again?
 
Vortex smirks.
 
Vortex: There are a few things we left after our hasty exit. Once the place became deserted, I wanted to go back and retrieve them. If it also means finding some other pieces of merchandise we can sell then so be it. They owe us a fee……..
 
Oko: So like what? Titles?
 
Vortex: Some have gone down in price recently. Last time I looked the Australian title was beating everything else in the value stakes. Tough times for some people. But hey! We are businessmen. We see an opportunity and we will take it.
 
Oko: So fat guy got his arse handed to him and you want reimbursement?
 
Vortex stops.
 
Vortex: I didn’t have my arse handed to me ok! It was a tactical retreat on the back of a gurney!
 
Oko pulls out a piece of chewing gum from his pocket and places it in his mouth. He stands there chewing while Vortex waits.
 
Oko: You know…….sometimes life gives no roses.
 
Vortex: No, but it does give me frigging Asians with bad habits………….Will you cut that out!
 
Vortex slaps Oko around the face forcing him to spit out the gum. Oko and Vortex start fighting again, but like before a high pitched wail sounds out. The two men stare down the corridor again and Oko looks solemn.
 
Oko: Poor gaijin. He is going to wait a long time.
 
Vortex says nothing but looks to the side. A door is half open beside them and he peers in.
 
Vortex: Hey Johnny, check this out.
 
He pushes the door open and the two men walk in. The room is dusty and drab but a few familiar things stand out. The wooden door frame perched in the middle of the room. Two large armchairs, one of which has its cushion seriously squashed. A large sofa which appears to be surrounded by hundreds of pieces of silver foil. And on the table in the middle, a small Micky Mouse alarm clock.
 
Vortex: The office hasn’t changed much has it……….
 
Oko walks forward over and looks around the room.
 
Oko: You know, Oko remembers when RJ came here. The lil gaijin lost the entire contents of his wallet for one interview. Talking about the great and the good of the tag team division. Dopart Zero, members of Oko’s homeland, being constant thorn in Oko’s side.
 
Vortex walks forward next to him.
 
Vortex: Yeah well, we had our moment of revenge right? A time in the sun before the rain came. Those things moulds us as people and it is always good to remember them. Good or bad, those times shall be cherished.
 
Oko looks to the floor and notices something. He pushes some debris away with his foot and reveals a breastplate and a katana. Oko smiles when he sees it and picks both items up. He passes Vortex the breastplate, before swinging the katana around a few times. Both men stare into the distance and begin speaking.
 
Oko: Oko did enjoy himself you know. While it lasted.
 
Vortex: Me too. It was a grand old time. Full of characters and showmen. I remember the fans cheering us to the rafters every night. For all their faults, I really miss that locker room. Charlie would say we deserved more chances but we had a good run.
 
Oko: Oko thinks so. A home away from home. Filled with legends.
 
Vortex nods his head solemnly and brings the breastplate to his chest. Oko closes his eyes and sniffles, while Vortex wipes a tear from his eye. The two men stand in silence for a while before Vortex speaks up.
 
Vortex: So! That sofa will be worth something.
 
Oko: Oh yeah!
 
The two men casually discard the katana and the breastplate to the floor. Vortex claps his hands and his face returns to normal while Oko starts whistling. The two men stand on either side of the sofa and begin to lift. Suddenly the lights come on and a booming sound is heard from up above them.
 
Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to 6WF! ONE! LAST! TIME!
 
Vortex and Oko drop the sofa and look upwards.
 
Vortex: Oh for fuck sake!
 
The two men stare upwards as the scene fades.

Tom Ree opens the door in a grey three piece suit. He walks in to his classroom, the tables are gone and the chairs are stacked up in the corner awaiting removal. His shoulders are dropped and he walks over to the board. He picks up the pen and attempts to write on the board but it has run out and nothing comes out. He turns and faces the camera.

"This was not how it was meant to be. It was not meant to end here. With me still on my way up. Not at the top of the company with the title on my shoulder. Not even when my skills began to decline and I begun to contemplate retirement. The company let me down. My rise was cut short far too early. But for one night we are back and I will be back. I will be here to prove, what you were on the process to discovering, my potential was unfulfilled and my reign of terror only beginning. I will be in a ring full with legends. Full with the craziest men this company has ever seen. Along with these men will be numerous weapons and contraptions you could not come up with in your worst nightmares. Cheese graters, snooker balls, a battery pack, all sorts of crazy weapons. These me- no these monsters will not hesitate to go to the boundaries of what can be done. The difference between me and them? The brains. My opponents collectively have a quarter of a brain cell. They think this gives them the advantage. They think because they have nothing to lose that they cannot lose. They believe they are unpredictable, this is true. It means I do not know what they are going to do, but neither do they. Little do they know this is their weakness. Their lack of brains means I can manipulate and outmanoeuvre them. They need to learn.

Unfortunately this journey is over. The company has come to an end. This does not mean my story has come to an end. My legend will live on. Sometimes in life it is not about what happened or why is happened. The re-telling of the story does not matter. As my absence makes the fondness grow stronger and you remember my greatness more than ever before. You don't need to remember how my rise came about or how my rise to the top was cruelly interrupted by factors outside of my control. All that matters is what you learned during the process."

He turns around to face the board and with a marker pen writes on the board YOU WILL LEARN.

Dexter Morgan awakes from his slumber in an alley behind a pub, his head pounding and his asshole throbbing. A newspaper floating in the wind flies into his face, which he grabs and starts to read. The headline "Was Chris Benoit's Death A Work?" catches his eye. Before he can finish the article, his phone rings, which catches him by surprise. He answers:

???: "Dex, have you read your messages? You're on the next card for the 6WF's final show! They wanted their forgettable, mediocre alumni back for one more match"

Dex: "Hmm, I suppose I could do with the money. Let me guess, I'm in the Fresher's Ball again... How much they paying?"

The caller hangs up abruptly. He scowls, realising the pay is going to be lousy. He gets to his feet, and stumbles out of the alley. A short taxi ride later, he is standing outside the entrance to the 6WF Arena. A huge billboard stands on top of the arena, advertising companies such as "Marky's Tar and Feathers" and "Sainty's RKO Repellant". Dex chuckles, remembering the good old days. He enters the building and is greeted by the hustle and bustle of staff preparing the arena. Banners and posters are everywhere promoting the event.

Dex turns to the lineup and realises he is in fact in the Fresher's Ball matchup. He shakes his head and walks towards the locker room, ready to suit up and hit the gym.

(A video is shown of an undisclosed secret location somewhere in the Australian bush...in a town in north east New South Wales, about 10 minutes drive from the Queensland border, you take the road signposted for 'Murwillumbah', take the left at the T junction, carry straight on for a few miles and you'll come to a post office- you need to turn right there (why not call in their first though? It's ran by Lou and Mavis, lovely couple) and follow the road down until you come to a security gate...ask for Ronnie. Anyway as we say...top secret location...postcode 2484 if you've got a satnav')
 
(The I'm a celebrity camp is shown and Ant and Dec are shown announcing the result of the latest bucktucker trial vote)
 
A: So it's between one of the Kardashians (we're not sure which one...let's say Karen...there's got to be one of them) and Marshall Murdoch (a gaunt looking Marshall is shown looking nervous)
 
D: 'And the public have voted for..........................................Marshall'
 
(Marshall puts his hands over his face in despair and can be heard muttering the words 'not again' over and over again)
 
A: 'Marshall, that's five in a row now, how do you feel?'
 
MM: 'Absolutely gutted Dec...how would you feel in my situation?'
 
A: 'I'm Ant'
 
MM: 'Oh...'
 
(Fortunately the awkwardness is interrupted by the team song from the A-Team blaring from off camera)
 
A: 'What the fuck?'
 
D: 'We're still live Dec pet'
 
A: 'You're Dec remember?'
 
D: 'Oh aye, you can't be sure can you?'
 
(Suddenly a foam 'bullet' from a nerf gun is fired straight into Ant's forehead knocking him backwards and off camera)
 
D: 'No Dec pet!'
 
(Zakky Spencer, Vlad and Xeres (who is dressed exactly like Hannibal) appear, both Vlad and Zakky are carrying nerf guns whilst Xeres chews on a large cigar. All are wearing '6WF, then, now, forever sometime in the next few weeks' t-shirts)
 
MM: 'You guys!'
 
(Marshall rushes forward and embraces the three disciples'
 
MM: 'I never thought I'd say this...but I ain't half glad to see you all. Anyway what are you doing here?'
 
X: 'I love it when a plans comes together'
 
MM (Looking confused): What's he on about?
 
Z: 'He's in character, he's Hannibal'
 
MM: 'Yeah I guessed that, I suppose we should just be grateful one of you didn't black up to complete the set (he notices Vlad stalking the Kardashian...it could be Kourtney actually, as he prods the nerf gun against her temple). Who's he meant to be?'
 
(Zakky shrugs)
 
X: 'BA will you just be quiet and eat your sandwich'
 
MM: 'You could have at least brought me a sandwich, flaming starving I am, 3 stars I got yesterday, 3 bloody stars, they made me fight an emu, can you be believe that? An emu...and he won. So why are you here again?'
 
Z: '6WF is doing one last show'
 
MM: 'Didn't they close down years ago?'
 
Z: 'Not quite, but it's ending soon so a load of former stars are re-uniting for one night only to say goodbye'
 
MM: 'And how does that involve me...?'
 
Z: 'Well you'd be it in.'
 
MM: 'I see, doing what?'
 
Z: 'Teaming with Clarke James'
 
(Marshall lets out a sigh of frustration)
 
MM: 'Not again!?! That selfish prick, do you know he didn't invite me to the opening night of his one man show, or his opening of Chorley Asda?'
 
(Another nerf bullet hits Marshall on the side of the head, this one has a note attached)
 
MM: 'Hero damn it Vlad!'
 
(He unfurls the message which reads 'Remember kayfabe! You're still live')
 
MM: 'Oh yeah...lovely bloke, salt of the Earth. Like a brother to me.'
 
Z: 'Are you in then boss?'
 
MM : 'Oh I don't know, I've moved on from 6WF, I've got a new life, and new career now'
 
(A voiceover from the bush telegraph can be heard)
 
VO: 'Can Marshall Murdoch make his way to the trial area for 'The Terror Train'
 
MM: 'Not trains! I'm in guys, how do we get back'
 
Z: 'To the CoHcopter!'
 
(Marshall, Xeres and Zakky run off towards the helicopter, grabbing Vlad by his collar as they go)
 
MM: 'Wow, you guys have really excelled yourself this time, I'm impressed, honestly. How did you get the money together for this? There wasn't enough funds left in the Church collection was there?'
 
X: '6WF funded it, well it was either this or use the money to get Daniel Montgomery back'
 
(Marshall shudders)
 
MM: 'Uh, we've got to prevent 6WF plummeting to those depths. Let's go home lads'